1. |
The Shamrock Shake
00:37
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'tis the time of year it seems
the shamrock supply abounds.
You'll find their form in every store
and even on the ground.
No matter how sweet a frozen treat
in other seasons may sound,
my favorite, the Shamrock Shake
won't ever stick around!
I traveled to McDonaldland
and found the famous clown
and asked him to keep Shamrock Shakes
a'comin' to my town.
He said, "I'd love to serve ya lad,
but our shake supply is gone.
And it'll take another year, my boy,
to milk enough leprechauns. (x2)
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2. |
April 1st
00:53
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There comes a time for every young couple
when thoughts turn to future commitment decisions
and how they should spend their money resources and time.
My lover and I can be so indecisive
when it comes to choices that could change our course.
But this time we're certain, our hearts and desires intwined.
April 1st, and we're having a baby...
For dinner!
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3. |
This Halloween
01:28
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I hope it's not too cold this Halloween (x2)
If it's too cold you know
I'll get sulky.
Snow pants and a coat make a
costume too bulky.
I hope it's not too cold this Halloween.
I hope it doesn't snow this Halloween (x2)
From previous years I've come
to the conclusion
that wearing snow boots
kind of ruins the illusion.
I hope it doesn't snow this Halloween.
I hope the sidewalks don't freeze this Halloween.
I hope that they don't freeze this Halloween.
If they freeze, I won't be pleased
'cuz I don't need bruised elbows and knees.
I don't wanna fall on my butt this Halloween.
I hope the weather's nice this Halloween (x2)
If it's not too cold
it might be too hot.
A mask full of sweat
or a mask full of snot.
So tell Mother Nature or that
jerkface Jack Frost
that they should take the rest
of this month off.
I hope it doesn't suck
this Halloween.
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4. |
Monster Cereal
01:13
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Halloween is finally near!
And now the Monsters can reappear!
I wish they'd stay and stick around all through the year!
But in truest monster style
they only stick around a little while
to invade our breakfast bowls and the cereal aisles!
Chorus:
Monster Cereal is back again
for all the strange kids who'll
start each day the spooky way
like any good ghost or ghoul.
General Mills it isn't funny
to slay Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy.
You could be taking so much more of my money.
If you would follow my plan
and make the Monsters I demand
like Scaregranola and Zombran
Flakes.
Chorus (again).
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5. |
Trick or Treat
02:24
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Chorus:
Trick or Treat
Smell my feet
Give us something
good to eat.
If you don't
I don't care
I'll pull down your
underwear.
Verse:
If you want to ward off attack
give us proper quality snacks.
If you don't we'll unleash
Hell on this place.
Chocolate bars or gum would be good.
Let me make sure that I'm understood.
We don't want quarters
or mini toothpaste.
Chorus
Verse:
I hope you take us seriously.
We'll toilet paper all of your trees,
and we'll knock your mailbox
and lawn statues down.
We'll soap your windows and egg your front stoop
and smear your door knob with
stinky dog poop
If you give another rock to
Good Old Charlie Brown.
Chorus (x2)
And everyone will see
that Halloween is important to me.
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6. |
||||
Verse 1:
The cooling Fall breezes turn
the leaves orange and brown.
They mingle and rustle 'til
each leaf drifts down,
and skitters and scrapes as
it dances around
the fruits of the season
vining up from the ground.
Chorus:
The Autumnal Pumpkin
is swelling and plumping.
Soon it will ripen
to full Harvest size.
'Twill serve as a lasting
reminder of the passing
of a celebrated year
in our blessed lives.
Verse 2:
'Twill rest on the table
in each meal's sight.
And decorate the hearth
o'er the flickering fire light.
Carved Jack-o-Lanterns thwart
demons in the night.
Then it's back on the table
in sweet pie-ed bites.
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7. |
||||
If your pumpkin patch is sincere
when evening falls linger near.
On Halloween
he may be seen
the Great Pumpkin will appear.
He flys over trees
with yellowing leaves
and narry a moment will stray.
Delivering toys
to girls and to boys
who are earnest this holiday.
If your heart is true this year
you have nothing to fear
may his hallows flight
cross your path this night.
and may he make his approval clear!
(but only if you're sincere!)
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8. |
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Sweet potato or pumpkin pie?
Which is better? Don't ask this guy
When it comes to Thanksgiving desserts
a slice or two of each won't hurt.
*****
When the Thanksgiving meal is over
and football is on TV.
We get to what I waited for all year long
and I settle in thankfully.
Thoroughly wrapped in my
Turkey Day Nap.
I blissfully slumber through that
athletic crap!
So pull up a sofa or an
overstuffed chair
for a nap to which no other
nap can compare.
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9. |
Song for the Season
02:24
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Verse 1:
It's the best time of the year!
Even if there's no snow on the ground.
There's a feeling in the air
as your family and friends gather around.
Anticipation builds
as we approach the magic day.
We've waited since September for the madman with a box
from Gallifray!
Ch:
The new Doctor Who Christmas Special
is weeks or days or just moments away.
And after it starts it's sure to warm our hearts
or at least both of the Doctor's hearts anyway.
Verse 2:
In previous years
the Christmas stories weren't the best.
They might stand alone
or be more sentimental than the rest.
Some parts were fun, but dumb
like spinning Christmas trees attacking everyone.
It's was silly but it's true
we were just happy to have new Doctor Who.
Chorus
Bridge:
Grab your Jelly Babies and Jammie Dodgers
'cuz it's coming 'round again.
Slip on your extra-long scarf and thank the Time Lords
that Moffet's behind the pen.
Chorus:
Because we know he's got two hearts.
and the story will probably warm both of his hearts anyway.
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10. |
Ugly Christmas Sweater
01:12
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I get anxious when I see an evergreen tree
covered in tinsel and lights.
I start to perspire when I hear a choir
singing "Silent Night".
My forehead starts to bead when the pastor reads
about shepherds hearing good news.
My neck hair mats down when there's fruitcake around
and my feet flood my Christmas Shoes.
My palms get wet when I see silhouettes
of carolers out in the snow.
It flows down my back when nuts start to crack
and I pit out underneath mistletoe.
I love the Holiday Season and it makes me want to cry.
I'm and Ugly Christmas Sweater but by New Year's Eve
I'm cute and dry (x2)
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